My world is turning upside down once again...

Sometimes i really wonder if i'm doing the right thing. I really love him so much but he always says that i'm being too selfish or that i do not know how to appreciate him. I know sometimes i really did selfish things and i'm really trying my best to avoid repeating my past mistakes or things that he does not like. I am really happy with him but i'm not particularly happy at home. It is reallly hard to maintain a relationship with my parents' disapproving it and sometimes i wonder if he understands this. It is not that i'm trying to make myself seem very sacrificial because i'm not. The point and fact is i'm really giving up things that are important to me just to be with him. Sometimes i really fear of our future. I also fear that i might not have the strength to move on with him. There are a lot of things that might be my love and i would have to give up just to be with him and it is true that i would have to go through a lot of obstacles just to be with him. It is not only the cultural differences and religion that we have to overcome but many more. It is not only now but even in the long run if we have our own family, etc.



Sometimes i really wonder if i'm being too bossy. One minute he tells me that he likes it when i scold him. The next minute he complains about it. He always says that he does not know what i want. The fact is i also do not know what he really wants. Seriously, i always feel that maybe i really should not forgive him so easily. The one thing that he is really similar to shi liang is the shouting. He is at least better because at least he knows how to apologise. Sometimes, i wonder whether his sorry means anything or he is just taking advantage of my soft side. He apologises but makes the same mistake then what is the point of saying he's sorry. At least he could let me feel that he is trying to avoid his mistake and maybe i'll feel that my forgiveness is worth it. I'm seriously not trying to be anal bout this but i feel that if i'm making an effort to adapt and avoid things that he does not like. I guess then, he should try to do the same.




I really hope we could find strength in each other and be strong because i really love you baby...