schooling partying clubbing having fun

life is like so hectic and crazy now. hanging out with syikin and adlina and doreen and my taka peeps, schooling and clubbing. haha... haven't even started studying yet. this seems so crazy. but i realise that it is really competitive. it is so crazy. my fellow nurses to be r already all mugging like crazy. i'm like wth... haha... relac people... haha... chill... must learn how to haf fun oso mahz... juz like me. heh...

i'm like clubbing a little more now... going so broke. think i'm going crazy... haha... but i'm enjoying every second of my life doing crazy things!!!

SAVE ME!!!

ewww... uni sucks for one reason. we have to get everything through mails and the net. i seriously hate sitting in front of the com to download my references and notes and the announcements. and i'm seriously still very confused on how to use the references and to the tutorial thingy. but eventually everyone's like that i guess. haha... just have to get used to it.

starting to feel a little stress lerx. i'm so afraid i can't catch up. i'm bad at reading references and stuff. i'm dumb. i admit. doesn't mean going into uni means i'm smart alright. but i still love my course. coz i have fun friends. super fun and cool lab sessions like seeing rotting corspe. haha... it's true. and having to fail what patients really feel. like being blind-folded and led by my friends and vice versa to feel what it is like to be nursing a visually impaired person and being a visually impaired patient. super cool feeling. and now i really realise that nursing really needs passion. it is only that passion that you feel for your job that you will have responsibilities for it. and being a nurse you really need to be super responsible coz the patients are really dependent on you. hehez... i really really love my course now and i can't wait for further progression. really really looking forward to my attachments... wee!!!! =)

What's wrong with taking up nursing??? With or without support... I'm still gonna work hard to be a nurse. It is true. Nurses need to do a lot of shit work. As in literally shit work. But it is a noble profession. People who look at nurses and go... "Oh... You are just a nurse... " You people can just go back and re- think your definition of a nurse. It takes a lot of courage to be a nurse. Who is brave enough to face life and death everyday and do shit work everyday??? Can you??? If you can't then please appreciate nurses. Though it is a dirty, tough and challenging job, it is an honour and a very satisfying career. By seeing life and death and being faced with unexpected things that might happen everyday, it makes someone grow and nurture. It makes someone emotionally stronger. Nursing is a very meaningful and satisfying profession. I guess no matter how much i might need to sacrifice... I'll never regret taking this path... =)

mmm... so bored at home!!! i really miss taka lyk crazy!!! i miss everyone there!!! i dunno if i will lyk my life now... but i really miss my working life... really can't wait to go back in dec... hopefully!!!! =)

anyway... i'm lyk going to let go of him... but honestly it is difficult to... i feel sad if i dun contact him but if i contact him and he is cold towards me i feel sad too. ya... i'm lyk in such a dilemma... i miss him...

Going to uni!!!!

i'm going into uni lerx. so excited. but the sad thing is i can only go back to work in december. i'll like miss my job so much. and i'll miss everyone at taka. pple!!!! you all gotta await my return ya... hehez... i'll miss my lao gong (rahmat), auntie cindy, mee lang, jayne, ah fa, lawrence and everyone else... most importantly... i'll miss doreen and adlina like crazy... especially adlina... u rock like crazy bitch!!!! =P i'll miss my night life too... going to youth park for suppers... ya... haiz... but i'll be back. hehez...

anyway, now i've got a banana family... so nice... i love them all. and honestly i'm looking forward to uni life. so ironic. can't bear to leave my working life but yet can't wait to embark on my uni life. but well... life is always so contradicting. anyway... i'll be back to work in dec... so i'll look forward to it... hehez...

mmm... yeah. someone is complaining that i never blog again. not so free larhz!!! haha...
oh yeah... anyway... to me... quite a lot of things happened recently. juz been crying quite a lot recently... my eyes keep getting swollen!!! argh!!!! plus i juz got my psp!!!! yay!!! obviously, i would keep playing. making things even worse for my eyes... i'm sorry eyes!!!! haha... i'll try controlling myself ya...

anyway... i feel like saying this to that very someone... well think you should know it is you if u read. don't get hurt arhz... juz really want you to know this... here goes...

well... if you really love someone... you should just let the person go. let the person be free if you know you can't hold on to him or her. i'm sorry if whatever i said or wrote or smsed or did gave you false hopes. i really am sorry. but you gotta know that if you picked it up whether a not aware or unaware. you should know that you should need to let it down eventually... well... i don't know if you'll ever agree... but to me, to let go is not to forget but to remember and pick up the pieces and move on... =)

ya... same applies to me... think it is time to pick up the pieces and move on... it is time that i let go of a relationship... shu hui can do it!!! jia you!!!

haha... maybe it is irritating to always be reading lyrics on my blog but you gotta read this one... well to me, it is very meaningful... =)

Saving jane - Come down to me

Words fall out of my mouth
And I can't seem to trace what I'm saying
Everybody wants your time
I'm just dreaming out loud
I can't have you for mine and I know it
I just wanna watch you shine

Tripping up on my tongue
It's all over my face and I'm racing
Gotta get away from you
Burning all the way home
Try to put it to bed but it chases
Every little thing I do

When light falls on your face
Don't let it change you
When the stars get in your eyes
Don't let them blind you

You're beautiful
Just the way you are
And I love it all
Every line and every scar
And I wish that I could make you see
This is where you ought to be
Come down to me

Spell it out in a song
Bet you never catch on to my weakness
I'm singing every word for you
Here i'm thinking i'm sly
Then you're catching my eye , and just maybe
You're thinking what I'm thinking too

When you see it on my face
Don't let it shake you
I know better than to try and
Take you with me

sad but nice... =)

Toni Braxton Lyrics - Unbreak My Heart

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away
I need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me

(chorus)
Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Un-do this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked outta my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart, my heart

Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss this pain away
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so unkind
And life is so cruel without you here beside me

(Chorus)

Ohh, oh
Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me
(rpt Chorus except last line)

Un-break my
Un-break my heart, oh baby
Come back and say you love me
Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'
Without you I just can't go on
Can't go on

my heart is breaking. but u'll never feel it.
i'm crying. but u'll never see my tears.
i'm smiling. but my heart is breaking.
i'm so afraid. coz i know that one day you will leave me and there is nothing i can do bout it.
i don't expect much from you. neither do i have the right to. but still it hurts when you seem not to care anymore.
i really don't know what to do to show you how i feel. neither do i have the courage to tell you...

I'm just such a b***h

i know that most prob this someone won't read this post. but i hope he does. i hope he will know that i'm referring to him. yeah... no one's perfect. i might be problematic. i guess i really am. coz i know the problem lies in me. i juz wanna tell him. i really hope you read this post. coz i really got no courage to tell you. even to sms you. so let's see if you're fated to read this... the problem lies in me... i love you too much i guess... that till now i feel that i'm like still searching for someone like you. though i know it is impossble to. i still miss you and i know in my heart i still feel something for you. when i knew you broke up with her somehow i felt happy. i love my bf a lot i know. but somehow.... i guess it's not more than how much i loved you... don't ask me to forget or whatever coz i can't. i tried to let go... but somehow it doesn't seem complete. a part of me still wish that we could be together again but the other part of me knows that it is impossible. i'm such a fool... i want you to find your happiness but i can't bring myself to intro anyone to you. some selfish part of me juz hope that you can find the right gal but i don't want to be the one who find that gal for you... i'm so sorry... don't feel guilty... perhaps feel happy and honoured bahz... haha...

GREAT DILEMMA

I think i've hurt yet another great guy. I'm really sorry... I really don't know why it keeps happening. But i can't control it and i really hate myself. Especially when he is the last person on earth that i would ever wanna hurt... I'm really scared that now things will change between us... Though he said that it won't but i have a feeling that there bound to be changes. By then... I know i will cry. I know i will feel really sad. But i guess there is nothing i can do... Sometimes i just wish that i'm single again but the fact is that i'm not and i have a great boyfriend now... That's why though i have good feelings for him. I know i can never allow myself to like him. And i really hope that he can really understand that a guy and gal can be close as best buddies and not only close as a couple. Let's just take a step at a time i guess... There is nothing else we can do now. I'm really hoping though we can be close like before... That's the reason why i was waiting for him to tell me and in fact i prayed hard that he won't say anything or maybe i was jst being over- sensitive... I just hope for the best...

TIRED and PISSED OFF

ok... just realised that my blog is really really stagnant. haha... can't help it larhz... been busy working and hanging out wif my friends. moreover i haf to choreograph a dance wif banana for some perf. mmm... dun mind choreographing larhz. but honestly... some pple are really pissing me off... i don't know if that whoever i'm pissed off will ever read this and i know this is really gonna sound mean but honestly i'm really so fed up tt i don't give a damn anymore. first up... i hate it coz u are so damn indecisive. how many times must i tell you that i can't make it on fri nights nor sat morning. can't you just bloody hell make up your mind. i'm a promoter for god's sake and i'm not like free like you coz ur job hours are fixed and like only on weekdays. second thing. don't make it sound so light. it is not stretching session for god's sake. is for all of you to condition your bodies so that you all can catch up with the choreography and not f***ing tell me that you can't do this or can't do that without even bloody hell trying... third... you!!!! stop being for f***ing stubborn for your own good. think dancing hip hop is so cool?!!!! f*** off... honestly... all kinds of genres r cool coz you dance for the sake loving dance not dance to make yourself seem cool. and use your bloody smart brains to think. you've just start learning hip hop... do you think you can really come up with a good hip hop dance or just copy your instructors steps. moreover the rest of them really can't do hip hop and by then we'll all be making a fool out of ourselves and i f***ing hell don't want that to happen.

apart from dance. some pple in my workplace are also f***ing hell pissing me off... u 2 dumbos.... if you 2 are really so lazy... forget bout being promoters. u think it is really so easy??? dream on... and the another 2 of you. i know you 2 have problems with your health but that doesn't mean that people should always help you. i honestly don't mind helping you but the thing is do you even appreciate my help and would you ever help me if i need your help??? the answer is no. none of you ever helped me. i already have difficulties coping and you 2 just bloody hell stood there and watch. it is lyk what the hell. you 2 are seniors. seniors not helping juniors. wow... thanks...

but still... i'm enjoying my life now... went out with ah fa yesterday and really had a lot of fun. he've helped me so much i don't even know if thank you really means anything anymore... =)

Wow... Yesterday was a great day for me. Firstly, i went to eat supper with mmm... Veron, doreen, wee kiat, auntie florence, ah fung auntie, wei sheng, gty and shu zhen at lau pa sha!!!! wee!!! Like a rare chance that my mama would say yes. And though i reached home like super late, she didn't scold the shit out of me. haha... fun and i really enjoyed!!! oh... and secondly... shi liang sms me to ask bout my results.... seriously, i was really shocked. mmm... We can't be lovers but still we are like very good friends. He is like a great guy and he has a really good girlfriend. Lucky guy. Lucky me too coz i have a great boyfriend too... and my great boyfriend is booking out tomorrow!!!! And i'm soooooo excited!!!!! Finally get to see him!!! YYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!

Took this photo the day before he enlist... i miss him so much!!! i knew i would miss him... but i didn't expect that it would be this much... =(

haha... Got a new piercing on the 16 0f march i think. i know many people will wanna kill me or think that i'm mad. but honestly... it is really nice. and i didn't regret it. after all it is my body. and yup... this is who i am... you know what people always say. accept me as who i am. if anyone can't accept people the way they are then please stop asking people to accept you...

oh... anyway... quitted my job... BYE AUNTIE TAI ENG!!!! you can like so kiss my ass... i know you'll never read this... but it makes me feel better. and yup... JESSICA!!!! don't think you are so great. you are not more than a sales rep. =P ok... i'm being petty but i really had enough of you two...

sad sad sad... =(

Oh man... I will really miss taka... haiz... I'll miss doreen, mei mei, si an, wee kim, veron... Argh... Nvm... Wait till taka square starts bahz... Then i'll be back!!! haha...

haha... Just realised that my blog is like super stagnant!!!! haha... Well... Been so busy working and having fun till i don't even have time to like use the com. Just got my results anyway and i'm like stressing over which courses to apply and whether i'll get accepted with my very average results. In fact lousy results. Yeah.. GP is important but still so what if i did not bad for my GP but lousy for the rest of the subjects. It won't get me in anywhere. haiz... But still... I believe that there is always a place for me... haha... Don't be discouraged people!!! We did our best!!! There's always hope... =)

I HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT!!!!

yeah man... tomorrow's my last paper... finally... it is over!!! super excited bout life after my a's... i'm really happy... but i'll be even happier if MY MOM IS NOT BEING SUCH A BITCH!!!!! sometimes i really hope tt she would chance upon my blog and see whatever i've written... i know she will go mad if she really reads all these entries bout her... but you know what... i dun give a damn... she's like really such a bitch... i can never find a better example... she such a fantastic example of a bitch... or maybe she's not even a bitch... she's worse than a bitch... oh my... i really wanna say it in her face... and tell her this... but then.. i can't... coz if i do... my dad's is gonna suffer... and i dun want tt to happen... coz i love my dad way too much... oh... and i really really miss him so much... can't wait for him to return from hong kong... den hopefully all these shit would come to an end... coz only he has a way bout my mom... yeah... hope he really comes home soon... =)

JIA YOU JIA YOU JIA YOU!!!!

long long long time never update... yeah... was preparing for my prelims. well... finally... i didn't felt stress for nothing coz for every subject i improved one grade apart from maths which improved by 3 grades. well... it is not like as if my results are good enough. actually they are like still quite sucky. like s s e c and e. lousy... coz eventually i can't get in uni with these results. but still... it is not stagnant anymore!!! yay!~! haha... so ya... but at least now i'm like more motivated to study really hard. coz i'm finally like seeing some results after a long time. i mean like a really long time. haha... =D

but still... some of my friends still didn't do as they expected so they are really like down. juz wanna say... yuan yuan and john... jia you!!! you can make it!!!! =)

and to nat... juz wanna say... u really rock!!!! haha... never really heard that someone can do so super well in econs. that is actually really sick... haha... =)

yeah... guess i won't be able to blog in a long while again... yeah... and my blog really looks very boring... juz can't find the time to update my blog. but still... yup... haha... after a's i guess... =)

LIFE'S SUCH A B****!!!!

i'm dying!!!! i'm like studying like a tortoise... one more week to prelim!!!! it is my last chance to try to pass my subjects by a's. oh no oh no... and i'm like really so damn stressed. being such a b**** to my dearest bf. i'm so sorry... i hate this!!!!

It is easy to find love but difficult to find true love. =)

i know this gonna sound mushy or cheesy or cliche or whatever you feel it is. but i juz have to say these... you know once i thought that i found my true love. i was so touched by him and i felt that mybe he was the one for me. and it is like when we broke up, i was devastated and i thought i could never find anyone else like him... well yup... of coz i can't find anyone like him. everyone's unique. but you know what people say about if you don't let go of the "old one" you can never find a "new one". well i guess it is true. i'm glad all that happened in the past happened. coz now i feel that i can appreciate my boyfriend more and cherish the relationship more. and yup... i guess i found a guy that is more suitable for me. it is like he loves me. but his love is generous. he doesn't try to possess me and gives me all the freedom that i need. i guess it is like a mutual feeling about me needing him and he needing me. it is like we are pillars of support for one another. and he really cares and loves me and he is really understanding. like putting up with my mood swings. i guess we love each other equally much and so it is like we won't feel tired of one another or like you know feel that either one is a burden to the other. and like yup. honesty really counts. ya... haha... coz we are really truthful to each other. yeah...

really.... i juz feel so fortunate to have him by my side. juz have to say this to all the gals out there... i'm sorry but just another great guy is taken... haha... juz joking... =)

juz wanna say this to whoever that reads this. well... don't cling on to a shattered relationship. be honest with youself... if you really think it is not going to work just move on. you know... there are really a lot of better choices out there. you'll never know. someone might just come along the way and you two might just suit each other so well and so unexpectedly. why cling onto something that is already not your's or is over right?

finally... i jus wanna say this... GOH KAY CHUAN!!! I REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!! and you know what. i really feel that it's my destiny to meet you and fall in love with you... it is amazing and i know it will be forever coz i can feel it everyday in my heart that this love is gonna be everlasting... =)

AH!!!!!

oh... went to cut my hair today. mmm... my head feels so much lighter now. but still... i wanna slp... mmm... guess i won't be able to sleep much till the a's. mmm... but you know what... i really love sleeping. haha... ok... ya... anyway PRELIMS ARE COMING!!!! AND I'M GOING TO DIE!!!! oh... but ok... ms chiew say i still got hope. but seriously... i don't think so. really have no confidence in myself. anyway... i would strive for my prelim... come on... wish me all the best... haha... =)