I'm tired.

I don't understand. Honestly. I think i've been very understanding and patient with him all this while. I think i have been supporting enough. He does not seem to understand. He is not the only one feeling stress and tired. I might just be a student on attachment. But i still feel tired and stress. Working as a nurse is really not easy. People have expectations on him. People also have expectations on me. I have so many things to do. Not physical true. But mentally. I'm tired, stress and worried everyday. What about him. Just physical activities and stress. He is not helping me at all. Sometimes i feel so tired of my life i just feel like disappearing. Never seem to be able to meet anyone expectations. I always feel that i am not good enough for anyone. I am so disappointed in myself. I am so passionate about nursing. But now, i honestly feel that i'm not cut out to be one. Sometimes i wonder how far can passion bring someone. What if i have the passion but not possess the qualities? I'm starting to get so confuse. I'm starting to have so much doubt in myself. I don't know anything. For now, i don't wish to know anything. I just wish that i can be happier and so can everyone around me be happier. I'm seriously hurting inside, stressed up and just very tired. Seriously, i feel i need a really long break. I just want to slack, relax and have fun. I just want to feel truly happy again. Now, when i am unhappy. He does not seem to be able to understand or sense it. He is too tired. Cannot even send me a simple sms to cheer me up. Nothing more i can say or do. I won't even wish for anything more. I've reach my limits. Just let each day slip by and hopefully nature would take its course and eveerything could go back to how it was.

Survive...

Second week of attachment. I finally see for myself the difference between the patients in a community and an acute hospital that my tutors always tell us. In a community hospital, the patients are very much stable and have high chances of recovery while in an acute hospital, the patients need a lot of monitoring because one minute they can be very stable and the next, their conditions worsen very quickly. 3 last offices in just one week. Wow... One of the patients that i've been taking care of last week passed away today. I felt super sad. He was recovering well last week and kept in view of discharge but this week, his condition worsened. Some patients are discharged with terminal illnesses and DNR order. No chances of recovery. I also realize how vulnerable they really are. One minute they are told that they are in the lab only for an examination and the next, they have to undergo procedures that might save their lives. The anxiety that i felt from them was overwhelming. I realize how strong these patients really are. The fact that some of them agreed to procedures to fight for their lives. The fact that some terminally ill patients despite knowing they do not have long to live, still stay optimistic and are happy. Then, i realize how brave they are and how fragile life can be. I realized that much of the comfort i gained came from the many patients that i interact with. They gave me even more motivation to do whatever i can for them to make them feel more comfortable.

To me, a hospital is such an ironic place. Happy yet a sad place. A place where people recover from their illness but also a place where people die in. A truthful and harsh place. Then, i also realize how ironic people can be. Every second even when i'm typing this. There are people out there that are dying, people out there that are fighting to live on, people out there that are living life to the fullest knowing that tonight they go to sleep and tomorrow morning they might not be able to see the sunrise. Yet, there are some people out there trying to end their lives. Live life to the fullest. I see the full meaning of this phrase in these terminally ill patients eyes. Their determination to do whatever they want. Even till the extent of a simple thing like eating their favourite food everyday. We live to fight but they fight to live. Then, i realized, they are in fact much stronger than we are. We might be healthy but weak in our minds. They might not be in perfect health but strong in their minds and willpower.

Tired and excited.

I'm tired. Tired of being shouted at. Tired of crying. It is really draining to cry. I wonder if guys will ever understand how tiring and draining it is to cry. I'm so tired of crying over big or small fights. Sometimes i really agree with emma that my bf is even more controlling than my parents. I know how much he loves me and is afraid of losing me. Sometimes i still feel so controlled by him. Especially by the way he shouts at me and say that he doesn't like this nor that. Sometimes i wonder, how long i can hold on to all these. Like i told olive. I wonder how long more i can keep telling myself that i should stay strong or we will work things out. For now, all i know is that i really love him and i wanna hold on till the very last second that i can.

I'm very excited about my attachment though. Hehez... First time stepping into an acute hospital. So freaking exhilerating. Haha...

Awake

I was watching this awesome movie on star movies channel today. It is entitled awake. Well, i think it is a good movie though the front part somehow makes you a bit confuse. The climax and ending of the story is damn good. When i first saw the title and preview i just thought that it is another movie that reflects some medical mistake that doctors make and another movie to the insight of the some what corrupted part of the medical field where medical practioners of higher hierachy in the hospital often have their grave mistakes covered up. It did not turn out to be what i expected and the story was twisted in a fantastic way. The twist was one that was unexpected. It is a very short movie. Probably one of the shortest i've watch. Say it was only an hour and 20 mins like that. Anyway, this movie is about this freaking rich and smart guy who took over his father's great business and probably one of the richest guy in US. He suffers from a congenital heart disease and needs to have a heart transplant in order to survive. He is of a rare blood type and so had a hard time waiting for a suitable heart. He was in a conflict with his mother whom he was very close to and who he survived with alone since young. His father was killed by his own mother as his father was abusive and his mother accidentally killed his father in order to protect him. His mother could not agree with the gal that he loved and wanted to make his wife and the surgeon who was his good friend and saved his life to do the transplantation. His mother insisted on having a top surgeon whom she found to do this transplantation for him. He went ahead with his decision. What happens was he belonged to this minority group of people whose bodies cannot respond to anaesthesia properly. Instead of really being asleep, he was paralyzed. He appeared to be asleep but yet he was constantly mentally conscious of all the pain and procedures and could hear everything that was going on in the operating theatre. It was halfway through the operation that he overheard the conversations going on between the surgeon and nurses and realized that the gal he loved so much and his best friend whom he trusted so much actually betrayed him. This surgery was all part of their plan to inherit his wealth. His mother saved him by realizing all the loopholes and finally called the surgeon whom she trusted to come down and perform another transplantation. This time round, using her heart. After calling the surgeon, she killed herself and gave her heart to him.

He really must have felt so helpless, lying there paralyzed, realizing that the people he trusted the most betrayed him.

Bordertown

I was watching this movie called the bordertown this morning and it is freaking good!!! I really agree with what JLo said in that movie. A career is a job that you give up everything and put in your all just to get it. You worked very hard for it. When you eventually get it, you realised that you've got nothing, no life.

Anyway, this movie is about the north american free trade agreement. After it was established, many MNCs started setting up factories at the border of mexico. These factories mainly hire young girls even at the age of 16 or 17 because these girls are willing to work long hours and not complain about the meagre pay. They work like for almost 24 hours but they are only paid like 5 dollars a day. These girls are fetched to and fro the factories by buses. Along the way, many of these girls are raped and murdered, their bodies, either buried or thrown into an isolated dump. These isolated lands and dump soon became a mass graveyard. Every night, there would be a girl raped and murdered. The death toll is 5000 and still increasing. This situation has not changed much even till now since these MNCs finds it cheaper to just ignore rather than hire defence forces to protect these girls. Every night an innocent girl dies.

JLo is an american reporter. She was a mexican. When she was young, her parents immigrated to america in search for a better life but were killed. She was then adopted by an american family. While helping a young mexican girl who climbed out of her own grave after being raped and supposedly murdered, to find the 2 culprits and in hope of solving this matter. JLo discovers that the whole matter is covered up by the mexican police since it has a conspiracy with the US government. Many of these rapers and murders are influential people in the mexican government. Thus, their crimes were well covered up.

This movie shows the struggle of a young girl together with JLo to fight for justice for these dead women and what they've been through before their death as JLo fights to tell the story of this young girl and to voice out for the many victims. In the midst of it, she starts to discover and find the courage to face up to her being not a true american but a true mexican, and to search for herself.

It is sad to know that this is still going on. Every night when we are safely asleep, one innocent mexican girl is raped and murdered. The fact is no one dares to report or fight for the truth except for truely brave souls. This is because of bribery and everyone fears the government. MNCs and even the US government are turning a blind eye since through the NAFTA, both the US and mexican governments are benefiting from the revenue earned and high profits. Also, in hope of promoting globalization. In the midst of it, many young lives are cruelly taken away.

To know that the electronic goods that we used today are truly over priced. The labour that made these products are freaking cheap. Can you imagine who would work 24 hours just for 5 dollars? Every second that passes, these factories are able to produce a great number of electronic goods.

There is nothing anyone can do about this situation. These young girls are brutally raped and murdered yet not given any protection. Hopefully, more voluntary organizations could be set up to offer at least some protection for these girls.

It's hard...

It is hard, really so hard. In fact, it had never been easy. We happen to have met that night at st james when we were purely there to have fun. Somehow we collided at the crossroads. From mere acquaintances, we became friends and soon, lovers. At that point of time, i gave up one of the most important thing in my life at that point of time to be with you. Sometimes, i wonder if it was worth it. I guess somehow i found the answer long ago. If not, i would not have been with you. Whether i would regret? I would verbalize that i don't know but deep in my heart, i know i'll never regret.

Now, i put all my trust in you. Someone told me that sometimes i should be skeptical because it is good to be. Still, i choose to put all my trust in you. I love you so much that i'm willing to do this. I'm willing to give up important things in my life just to be with you. You told me you gave up your career for me. I never asked for it. I'm still happy you did though i know it is not very nice. As much as i'm probably the most important in you life, you are also most probably the most important thing in my life. I don't mind if my world just revolves around you. I love you so much i'm willing to give my everything to you. It is hard. Whatever i've done. All i want is for you to treasure, appreciate and see what i've done for you. I'm glad that you can.

I really love you...

This is especially for my baby darling and dee bananas and my babes who have always been there for me.

Simple Plan - Save you

Take a breath, I pull myself together.
Just another step until I reach the door.
You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you..
I wish that I could tell you something to take it all away.

Sometimes I wish I could save you,
And there's so many things that I want you to know.
I won't give up 'til it's over.
If it takes you forever, I want you to know..

When I hear your voice,It's drowning in the whispers.
It's just skin and bones,There's nothing left to take.
And no matter what I do,I can't make you feel better.
If only I could find the answer to help me understand..

Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there's so many things that I want you to know.
I won't give up 'til it's over.
If it takes you forever, I want you to know that..

If you fall, stumble down, I'll pick you up off the ground.
If you lose faith in you, I'll give you strength to pull through.
Tell me you won't give up,'Cause I'll be waiting if you fall.
You know I'll be there for you.
If only I could find the answer to take it all away..

Sometimes I wish I could save you,
And there's so many things that I want you to know.
I won't give up 'til it's over.
If it takes you forever, I want you to know..

I wish I could save you..
I want you to know..
I wish I could save you..

I don't know if you realise. I know you are hurting in silence. You think i cannot feel it? I love you so much i know it is hurting. I'm hurting too. Can you see? I'm trying my best but can you see it? You always tell me that you understand and that you can forgive me. Honestly, sometimes i feel you can't. If you can, you would stop forcing me. It is not about my principle but right at this point there is really nothing i can do. If there is, i would have done something right? You think i would just let you hurt silently inside? You really think i am so cruel? If you really feel so, then, all i can say is that i'm disappointed in you because you don't know me well enough. I've given up a lot of things just to be with you. In the future, there will be more that i have to give up. You know what it is like to give up something really important to you. You should know how difficult it is. You should know that this is really not easy for me but i'm trying. All i'm asking for is to give me time. Is it so hard?

This is what you wrote:
"Happy, honest, humour.
Probably the most important elements of a relationship.
But it's unfair, it's never fair.
These 3Hs only happen in a bedtime story, movie,
but never in reality.
Maybe at the beginning.
But after honey lost its sweetness,
it's like a rainbow fading,
when everything dries up.
is this nature?
If it is, do we have the strength to overcome this so called disaster? "

It really makes me feel that you are giving up and throwing everything we built together away.
Let me tell you this, even if this is nature, if you really love me so damn much you would be fighting together with me. There would not be one relationship that is so smooth sailing. Never. It is nature that everything ought to come to an end but you can always save it. Flowers would wilt but you can always give them water and nutrients and they come alive again. Disasters are happening everywhere on this earth but people are working hard to rebuild their lives after that. All you need is determination. To fight for the things or the people that you love. If you feel that it is nature and that we would not have the strength to fight it. Honestly, it makes me feel that you are finding an excuse to give up without even putting on a good fight.

Sometimes, i feel that you are the one creating the problems for yourself. Sometimes, it seems like there is nothing but you are always feeling that something is wrong. Sometimes, i feel that you are the one that is bringing in Darryl based on the reason that you cannot forget. You can't forget and that is why you will always think of the bad things that happened. That is why i always say you can't forgive. Don't you get it. To forgive is to forget. If you can't forget, how could you forgive a person. You think that you've forgiven the person but deep down, you didn't. You can't consider a problem solved. It is either solved or not. No third option. Don't say sorry if you would repeat the same mistake. Don't say you've forgiven me when you can't. Don't say you love me as much when you make me feel that you are giving up. Don't say you understand when you don't.

You feel that we are going around in circles. Yes, i agree totally. This is like a deja vu. We are going round in circles so much that i've lost all directions and i feel so lost. It feels like i'm walking this never ending maze and i just can't find my way out. No matter how hard i try, i always seem to walk back to that starting point. Sometimes i feel that this is a maze that you've created. I told you a lot of times, if you have something just say it face to face. Don't make every one of our dates so happy but eventually when we are always quarreling over the phone. It is torturing me and it is draining every strength out of me. I'm still fighting so hard because i love you so much and i know that i can't lose you. Olive told me that i would be alright because i've already knew what i want. Sometimes, I can't help it that i would lose all my directions. I'm really at my breaking point. Don't act like you're fine in front of me when you are not. It is so scary because i'm holding back because of something that i fear. This something that i don't even know what it is and i feel like i would never know what it is.

Baby, all i'm asking for is for you to not act like you are fine if you are hurting inside. I just want you to understand that i'm trying my best and doing everything within my will that i can. I would definitely so something immediately if i could. I'm glad that the trust between us is coming back and i hope eventually it would go back to like what it was in the past. Try baby... Learn how to forgive and forget. You'll be happier this way...

The best...

Certain things, you just have to try your best. In a relationship, there is no such thing as who is better than who or who is not good enough for anyone else or who should or should not deserve anyone. A person who really appreciates you would see and know that you've did your best. No one is perfect. Someone who truly loves you would know that you are not perfect but you are the best and appreciate whatever effort you've put in whether if your plans turn out successful or not. Someone who truly appreciates you would cherish you and not break up with you for silly reasons such as religion. Someone who truly cherishes you will see that you've tried and whether or not you succeeded, he or she would tell you that it is ok and it is enough. Someone who truly appreciates you would know how much you treasure the relationship. Someone who truly cherish you would banish all your insecurities and not see it as an extra worry or a burden. Someone who truly loves you would be able to accept all your goods and bad. Even if you might not be perfect or the best person on earth, he or she would still tell you that you're the best to him and her and he or she would desire no one else. A person who truly appreciates you would not pick out your bad points or tell you what you didn't do good enough. He or she would still thank you even if you've made a mistake or missed out something when you plan to do something or did something for he or she.

Sometimes when you are having an internal conflict whether you should be doing this or that for someone, just ask yourself, is this person worth it. If your answer is yes, then just do it. Even if everything turns out screwed, even your life, you know you will never regret your decision. At least, you would feel that it is worth it. It is worth it to sacrifice somethings just for the person you truly love or cherish. Even if this something is a thing that you can never imagine giving it up.

To be loved is happiness. To love is an experience of happiness and sadness. Every relationship would have ups and downs. If you are not willing to take the risk of getting hurt, then you will never get to experience the amazing feeling of being happy, sad and angry all at the same time. You would never get to experience the feeling of wanting to give up and to continue at the same time. Every second in loving someone is happiness to me. Even if we are quarreling. To me, so long i can be with this person, i don't mind going through uncountable obstacles or hurt. These obstacles and hurt would just make me stronger. I know, eventually, i will still that eternal happiness...

Trust...

Honestly, i don't think that i am being very sensitive. The fact that you can warn me makes me feel that you don't trust me. When i tell you things, it is not like i warn you not to tell anyone. You warned me twice fyi. Don't try any tricks or don't tell anyone. Like wth... If you don't even trust me then don't tell anyone. It is like though she is just a hi-bye friend, i'm still concerned about her. Eventually, this has nothing to do with my close friends at all so why should i tell them. I think you should know me well enough that i'm those kinda girls that wil mind my own business and not gossip about anyone to anyone else unless these 2 person know each other and are close friends. Honestly, i won't gossip!!! I'm also disappointed in the fact that you told me not to change my perception of her. I mean like you should know me well enough to know that i'm not a judgemental person and my impression of people won't change even if i know their past. Everyone have their own past. Not like people who know about my past and my darkest secrets have a changed impression on me. Friends don't change their perceptions on another friend just based on that person's past. Moreover, she was a victim in that situation, not like she could help it. Though i've not been through that and i don't know how it feels like but eventually i'm a gal. I think i should understand her more than you right? If not, you wouldn't be asking me for my opinion. Like duh... My impression or your impression of me also didn't change though we know each other past right?

Gone...

Honestly, i'm like feeling hurt now. I didn't think that i would care that much initially. I don't really care who he is hanging out with but he seems not to care about the bananas anymore and he is like really drifting apart from us. I don't like the fact that he uses the reason that it is because we don't jio him out with us which is like so not true. We've tried so hard to persuade him to come out with us but he always have other commitments. We all have our own commitments and are busy but it is about making an effort to arrange a day or time where you are really free. At least, a few hours. It won't kill right. Moreover, you told me that you felt guilty because you are the reason why there are some complications going on in the clique you are in now and that you just need time to settle these complications. Now, i feel that this is not a reason but an excuse. Seriously, if you feel more comfortable with them, you could have just told me honestly. I honestly don't like the fact that you always seem to be finding excuses just to push us away. I really won't mind. All i'm asking for is just an honest opinion or answer. Is it really so difficult? It is so difficult to say that you like something or dislike something, if you feel comfortable or not. I don't think it is that difficult right? It is not like we are very possessive. We are willing to let you go if you just be honest with us. Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore because you are already forgotten in the bananas. Don't blame us without reflecting on yourself. Honestly, i don't feel that we are the one causing this drifting. We've already tried our best to accomodate your timings but somehow, you just don't make an effort. Or at least, I can't see that you are making an effort. It is not about saying if you happen to realise but doing. I don't want to hear you telling me to give you time. Why should i give you time if i can't see you making an effort?

I really do feel sad about how you are treating us. However, this sadness is turning into indifference, Honestly, i can't very much be bothered now.

Piss off irritating people.

I really cannot stand that fashion disaster in my therapeutic communications tutorial. I really felt like telling her to shut up and think before she speaks. She just did a great job in making herself look so dumb and naive. Like wth... Seriously, i feel that what she said not only shows that she is a naive little girl living in her own world but also a dumb biatch who does not understand how someone who decides to undergo abortion feels like. Well, in the role play today, she asked the "nurse" if she herself had undergone abortion before because she feels like if she is going to undergo abortion, she wants the person she is talking to to have undergone the same thing. When the "nurse" asked her how did she get pregnant she said something like, "oh because my boyfriend is too powerful that when he came, he broke 3 condoms." This is seriously like WTF!!! This is probably the dumbest thing i ever heard someone said. It is like common sense. Even if she never had sex before, Sex educators in secondary schools will most probably tell you that condoms are like 99% effective in preventing a pregnancy. Seriously, if a condom is that lousy, people wouldn't be using it. Like de... Use your brain to think if you are smart enough to enter nus then you should at least have a minimal amount of common sense. The things and way she acted as a girl who decides to undergo abortion is like totally disrespectful and insulting. Like use your f-ed up brain to think. People who decided to undergo abortion normally feel so fearful and guilty, and this feeling is something that you would never understand until you are in that particular situation. So please... If you don't know anything, please do not act like you know. Please learn how to be more sensitive. I guess sensitivity is also an essential quality of a nurse biatchhh....

Die Dying Dead

Seriously, time seems to be so limited but there is like never-ending stuff to do and study. People always say pull up your socks. I'm currently thinking that maybe i don't need a pair of socks but stockings that i can pull all the way up to my waist. I seriously need all the help and time in the world. I really have a bad feeling that i will fail both of my science modules. It is like i go into the lecture theatre feeling super blur and when i come out of the lecture theatre, i'm still feeling super blur. It is like wtf!!! BOO!!! I'm feeling so god damn stress since i really cannot afford to fail any modules if not i can forget about graduating. Honestly, i doubt i can even become a staff nurse. Maybe i'll become one but most probably the stupidest one on the entire universe.

One more thing... I'm finally printing out my notes for my electives and i realised that i just took up the wrong elective. It is like super boring. Its contents are like so freaking similar to what i've studied in my 'A' levels biology that i really feel that i'm studying 'A' levels biology all over again. Nothing new and interesting. The exam format is like 100 hundred MCQ. Can you imagine shading 100 ovals on the OAS? The thought of it just like makes me damn sian. I really hate shading OAS. I rather write alphabets in brackets. =.='''

I really got to pull my damn stockings up to my waist and really add oil add oil!!!

Strings attached or unattached.

I just realised something today. When you really love a person so much to understand every single habit and temper that person. It really is almost impossible for you to totally let go of the person. A lot of people would say that they can let go of that person but deep down somewhere in their heart, that person is always living there. To let go is not to forget. Somehow, you will miss that person whether it is in the middle of the night or when you walk pass some place that possess a lot of the memories of when you two are still lovers or when you wake up in the morning and realise that that person is no longer your lover. The most cruel thing is when that person has already fall in love with someone else and his or her love for you had faded but still you can't let go. Silly as it might seem but memories will always be memories. Memories are like permanent scars. They will forever be imprinted in ones mind. No one forgets. Whether these memories are happy or sad. However, i always believe that as time goes by, you will be able to let go slowly and the hurt would just fade away. By the time the hurt fades, you will be able to review these memories with a smile on your face.

When everyone looks back on all the relationships that they had, they ought to feel that every relationship has its own regrets. Especially when you've been with that person for a very long time. The harder it is for you to let go of that person. However, eventually you will. Just tell yourself, it is not easy to let go and you have to move on. Pick up those shattered pieces and move on. =)

To all the people out there especially to my dearest ah gong...

AH GONG!!! Stop emo-ing ok? Sometimes it takes more than just treating a girl well. There are many other things that determine the possibility if you will end up with the girl you like. I don't know if you believe in fate. I do feel however that fate does play a part. No matter how long you are in a relationship or how well you treat a girl, if you two are not fated to be, eventually, you just won't end up together. Moreover, it depends a lot on chemistry for girls. Maybe she knows that you treat her well but she just does not feel the chemistry with you.

CHEER UP AH GONG!!! Let nature take its course. I'm sure one day you will find the right one. A girl who appreciates the way you treat her, a girl that you are fated to be with and the girl who feels that she has the chemistry with you. Try to let go and as time goes by you will find her. Don't try too hard though because sometimes the harder you try to find, you tend to miss out more of the good stuff. In the midst of trying so hard to find, you might have missed her out. =)

Hopes...

I honestly hope that we can stop quarreling over dumb things. Every time we quarrel over the dumbest things we both end up saying words of anger that would hurt the both of us. I really hope that we will stop hurting each other with our words of anger. I hope my baby knows that i'm trying my very best to be understanding though i know sometimes the way i comment can be too direct. I didn't mean to let you feel the way you did. It was just honest opinions. I know my baby has been tolerating my mood swings and been very understanding. I really appreciate it. =)

I hope that my baby knows that no matter whatever material he possess , what he does, how high is his education level; it doesn't determine who you are. I love you for what you are inside baby and i love you for who you are. Like i've said many times, a bike is just a transport. It is just for convenience sake. It doesn't matter if you are riding the best and most expensive bike on earth or the cheapest and the lousiest. The point is i love sitting on the bike behind you and the feeling of hugging you and us shouting our heads off on the bike. I really love you baby and this is all that you have to know. =)

HE IS A TOTAL IDIOT!!!

I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH GUYS!!! THEY REALLY PUSH ME TO THE MAX. MAYBE I SHOULD BECOME A LESBIAN OR SOMETHING. LIKE SERIOULSY THEY CAN BE SO FREAKING IDIOTC. SERIOUSLY, SOMETIMES THEY ARE SO FREAKING DUMB AND LIKE WHAT NO COMMON SENSE. I SO PISSED. THEY ALWAYS JUMP INTO POINTLESS QUARRELS AND THEN TURN THE FREAKING TABLES AROUND AND BLAME THE GALS WHEN IT IS NOT OUR FREAKING FAULT. SERIOUSLY, SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL THAT GUYS ARE BRAINLESS IDIOTS!!! THEY ARE SO INSISTENT ON SOMETHING THAT IT THEY ARE LIKE BLINDED BY IT. LIKE... HELLO... CAN YOU FREAKING OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE AND STOP USING YOUR ARSES TO THINK BUT YOUR FREAKING BRAIN!!! ARGH...

Fun...

Last night i went clubbing with him once again. Then, we juzt spent the rest of the time till the next morning. It was freaking fun apart from the waiting for his friends. Well, we went with his clique of friends. Hehez... I made new friends too. Hehez... Met Zac, Agnes, Eunice and another gal who i cannot remember her name. Sorry. Hehez... We were so bored waiting for Azhar And Shafiq they all to come that we started taking photos outside st james. Quite dumb but still... Haha... Entertaining!!! Haha... =)

Since i spent so much time with him last night. I feel damn weird when he is not around me now. I reallly want to just spend my everyday with him. I feel so lost without him. Honestly... I really cannot wait till tomorrow. We are going swimming!!! Yeah!!!

Baby... I'll be praying that your father approves of the scrambler you want. I know how excited you are about getting that scrambler and i can see that you really love it so much. Let's hope that you can really get it.

Missing her...

I really miss my sister. Suddenly, i happen to realise the saying that when someone leaves you then you will finally realise how that person is really important to you and how much you will miss that person. Though it is only 6 months that she will be away but it seriously seems that 6 months would never come to an end. People always say that time flies but in this case, time seems to be crawling. I really wish that when i open my eyes tomorrow morning, she will be back home. How much i wish... I seriously can't wait till this 6 months to pass. I really can't help worrying for her. I always thought that i am a person who is able to let go and not miss someone so much. Now, i realise i'm not as strong as i think. Now, i'm starting to consider if i can really go overseas to study. Though that has always been my dream: to be able to study overseas. Honestly, i don't think i can bear to leave my family and aslim.

I'm honestly not someone who believe in god or prayers. Now, i just want to say... Mummy... Please bless small jie... I want her to come home safely. That's all. Just safely in one piece safe and sound. Though i don't believe in prayers but i know somehow you have always been watching us from wherever you are. If you can hear me, please watch over her and bless her... I really miss her so much and i just want her to come home real soon... =)

Interesting life eh...

Wow... I went down to his house today. Obviously,he was so anal about me talking to ah xiang and emma and being late today because he was fed up withh vacuuming and mopping the floor. It is like quite dots... But yeah... I was screaming to him over the phone on the streets and on the taxi that people most probably think that i'm a crazy woman. Anyway, he apologised. So it is alright. Hehez... Anyway, i helped him vacuumed and mopped Laura's and bubu and aya room for him. It was like we went to shop for Laura's clothes and it is like he just ask me to pay using his NETs card, weird but nice. I'm like always ironing his clothes for him. Really feel like a wife now. Always helping to put Laura to sleep. He is really lousy manz... Everytime he carry her she will cry and seems like he just can't put her to sleep. He told me last night that i really made him freeze when i put Laura to sleep. He said i looked so motherly... Hehez... It is a compliment but still i feel that very gal can do it. Eventually, it is our motherly instinct, something like a in born kinda thing and it is whether gals want to show it and use it a not. Hehez... Mmm... But seriously... It feels like we're already married... Kekez... Feels really good. Honestly, i can't wait to get married to him and have his kids. I seriously think that they will turn out to be mischievious rascals like him. Hehez... =)

We are always imagining our life after marriage. Sometimes it just feels so real and this feeling is really nice. I don't know how to describe. Some people feel that it might be too soon that we decide on our engagement since we just know each other for 7 months but still we will only get engage after i graduate which is 2 years later. Honestly, our decision is not based on the fact that we are crazy about one another and it is definitely rationale. Seriously, there is nothing to reconsider. It is gonna be difficult for the both of us but i know that we are both willing to try together and it is alright. =)

Troubles...

Troubles troubles troubles...

I really don't know what is wrong with me recently. I just can't seem to wake up in the morning. Daddy is probably gonna kill me and he'll most probably scold me like crazy for reaching home late everyday. He'll most probably think that it is because i reach home so late every night that i don't get enough rest. Seriously, i don't feel that it is because i'm sleeping late that is the cause. I used to sleep late like almost every night last semester and i can wake up like 6 in the morning. Mmm... I'm really wondering what's my problem. It is really irritating. I seriously hate being late for lessons. Especially pharmacology and Physiology.

Anyway, physiology 2 CA is like next week and honestly, I think i'm so gonna fail. I don't know why. I seem to understand the concepts but just can't seem to answer the questions correctly. Argh... Irritating... Frustrating... Shit... Seriously, i can't afford failing any modules this semester or i can seriously forget about graduating.

Ooo... The happy thing is... Dee bananasare going to have a gathering this valentine's. Wow... Sound cool eh... Haha... Seriously, can't wait to go to ECP to roller blade though i'm freaking lousy at it. I'll most probably go home with an aching butt. Haha... But who cares... At least i have fun... Winks winks...