I HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT!!!!

yeah man... tomorrow's my last paper... finally... it is over!!! super excited bout life after my a's... i'm really happy... but i'll be even happier if MY MOM IS NOT BEING SUCH A BITCH!!!!! sometimes i really hope tt she would chance upon my blog and see whatever i've written... i know she will go mad if she really reads all these entries bout her... but you know what... i dun give a damn... she's like really such a bitch... i can never find a better example... she such a fantastic example of a bitch... or maybe she's not even a bitch... she's worse than a bitch... oh my... i really wanna say it in her face... and tell her this... but then.. i can't... coz if i do... my dad's is gonna suffer... and i dun want tt to happen... coz i love my dad way too much... oh... and i really really miss him so much... can't wait for him to return from hong kong... den hopefully all these shit would come to an end... coz only he has a way bout my mom... yeah... hope he really comes home soon... =)

JIA YOU JIA YOU JIA YOU!!!!

long long long time never update... yeah... was preparing for my prelims. well... finally... i didn't felt stress for nothing coz for every subject i improved one grade apart from maths which improved by 3 grades. well... it is not like as if my results are good enough. actually they are like still quite sucky. like s s e c and e. lousy... coz eventually i can't get in uni with these results. but still... it is not stagnant anymore!!! yay!~! haha... so ya... but at least now i'm like more motivated to study really hard. coz i'm finally like seeing some results after a long time. i mean like a really long time. haha... =D

but still... some of my friends still didn't do as they expected so they are really like down. juz wanna say... yuan yuan and john... jia you!!! you can make it!!!! =)

and to nat... juz wanna say... u really rock!!!! haha... never really heard that someone can do so super well in econs. that is actually really sick... haha... =)

yeah... guess i won't be able to blog in a long while again... yeah... and my blog really looks very boring... juz can't find the time to update my blog. but still... yup... haha... after a's i guess... =)

LIFE'S SUCH A B****!!!!

i'm dying!!!! i'm like studying like a tortoise... one more week to prelim!!!! it is my last chance to try to pass my subjects by a's. oh no oh no... and i'm like really so damn stressed. being such a b**** to my dearest bf. i'm so sorry... i hate this!!!!

It is easy to find love but difficult to find true love. =)

i know this gonna sound mushy or cheesy or cliche or whatever you feel it is. but i juz have to say these... you know once i thought that i found my true love. i was so touched by him and i felt that mybe he was the one for me. and it is like when we broke up, i was devastated and i thought i could never find anyone else like him... well yup... of coz i can't find anyone like him. everyone's unique. but you know what people say about if you don't let go of the "old one" you can never find a "new one". well i guess it is true. i'm glad all that happened in the past happened. coz now i feel that i can appreciate my boyfriend more and cherish the relationship more. and yup... i guess i found a guy that is more suitable for me. it is like he loves me. but his love is generous. he doesn't try to possess me and gives me all the freedom that i need. i guess it is like a mutual feeling about me needing him and he needing me. it is like we are pillars of support for one another. and he really cares and loves me and he is really understanding. like putting up with my mood swings. i guess we love each other equally much and so it is like we won't feel tired of one another or like you know feel that either one is a burden to the other. and like yup. honesty really counts. ya... haha... coz we are really truthful to each other. yeah...

really.... i juz feel so fortunate to have him by my side. juz have to say this to all the gals out there... i'm sorry but just another great guy is taken... haha... juz joking... =)

juz wanna say this to whoever that reads this. well... don't cling on to a shattered relationship. be honest with youself... if you really think it is not going to work just move on. you know... there are really a lot of better choices out there. you'll never know. someone might just come along the way and you two might just suit each other so well and so unexpectedly. why cling onto something that is already not your's or is over right?

finally... i jus wanna say this... GOH KAY CHUAN!!! I REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!! and you know what. i really feel that it's my destiny to meet you and fall in love with you... it is amazing and i know it will be forever coz i can feel it everyday in my heart that this love is gonna be everlasting... =)

AH!!!!!

oh... went to cut my hair today. mmm... my head feels so much lighter now. but still... i wanna slp... mmm... guess i won't be able to sleep much till the a's. mmm... but you know what... i really love sleeping. haha... ok... ya... anyway PRELIMS ARE COMING!!!! AND I'M GOING TO DIE!!!! oh... but ok... ms chiew say i still got hope. but seriously... i don't think so. really have no confidence in myself. anyway... i would strive for my prelim... come on... wish me all the best... haha... =)

SO LOST!!!!

ok... if you ask me now... i reaaly feel so lost. firstly... i really don't know if i am ready for my a's. seriously, i'm suppose to be working 3 times harder. but i feel like i am still slacking. you know i just can't get into the damn mood. it is like nat can study 5 topics in like one weekend. i'm like so behind my own schedule till i really don't know how i can catch up anymore. i really feel that i'm not cut up for jc life. and so... i really don't know what am i doing in a jc. super screwed. and you know what... I SERIOUSLY NEED A LIFE!!!! my goodness... i can't stand it anymore!!!!

ARGH!!!!

ok... i know i shouldn't be blogging now. but i'm really pissed and i just need to say certain things...

i really cannot stand it anymore!!!! staying under the same roof with 2 f***king b***hes!!!! oh my... they are like one of a kind. both are just bloody hypocrites. so what now... they are fighting to see who will win and be the queen of hypocrites. i mean come on larhz... one just can't wait to get rid of my second sister from the house but still put on such a nice front and pretend to be so concerned bout her. the other... say... oh i won't use her toilet... no hot water... i don't like it... oh... then she places her stuff there and uses my second sister stuff... oh come on... so who are you both trying to bluff... people around or yourself??? now i really understand what it truly means by "birds of the same feathers flock together". they are really two of a kind. oh my... tt's why they just go so well together... but you know what... the sight of them just makes me wanna puke. stop taking my second sister as your entertainment. she had enough so had i. yeah... and i'm really pissed... so if you think this is harsh... i can be harsher... pleas know where's your limit... coz you won't want me to blow coz i'll make sure that if i blow... i'll make this place a living hell for both of you f***king b***hes...

Am i really ready???

actually, i totally agree with what ms chiew said... that i want to do well but don't know where to start from and how. i'm lost. i admit it. i'm not only lost, as in not knowing what to do but i've really lost all my confidence. i know people around me especially my tutors feel that i have the potential to do well. but... i really don't think i can... i don't know. mr kwek said that if we really want to do well we have to be ready to just study thrice as hard as the other students. means like really really really super hard. and honestly, i'm not sure if i am prepared and can do that. i just can't get use to this kinda mugger lifestyle. mr ng said that we just need to get into the momentum and it would be easy all the way till a's. but the thing is... this momentum... i've be trying so hard to catch since promos but i never seem to be able to catch it... and i'm really afraid... not only bout my a's but also my univesity life... am i really ready for all these??? or should i as mr kwek said... make a u- turn now??? but i've come so far now and i really don't want to retain... i want to graduate with good results and celebrate with my fellow classmates and schoolmates. yeah... but eventually... i'll choose what i feel is best for me. though i can't really make up my mind now or see how things would turn out to be... and with all the fear... prelims just weeks away and a's 90 days away. i'm not gonna give up... hopefully i can really turn all these fear into a strength for me to push on. this is my final lap. my final performance of my jc life. i'm gonna try my best and give it all i've got. yeah... =)

SHU HUI!!! JIA YOU JIA YOU JIA YOU!!! =)

Mid Year SUCKS!!!!

mid year really sucks yeah... bad bad results... i am really wondering if i would be able to make it for the a's. really shouldn't have went jc. well just not suitable for jc life. i really hate it... haiz... but what can i do... well i'm already in this. juz have to wait till a's that i can get out of it. oh my... please let the a's be over soon. if not i just can't imagine what i would be like. maybe commiting suicide, slashing my wrists, smoking like crazy again or lying in the mental hospital.... woo... all kinda probability. haiz... anyway... ms chiew wants to see my daddy and my mimi this week and soon... i'll be grounded... no tv, no going out, really afraid that they won't even allow me to go out and study... oh my... then no more sneaking out... boo hoo... ya... and you know what... whatever that they say or do... lyk saying that i'm lazy or not allowing me to watch tv or going out to study... you know what... it is not going to... coz i'll just feel even more stressed up... haiz... but you know what... they always say that they've been through all this... but what they never realised is that times have changed and so have everything... everything is evolving and the stress level we are facing now is much more then whatever they've said they've been through... and you know what.. they'll never understand. and so much for my mom saying that she is open -minded and understanding... sometimes i really feel like asking her not even to talk to my hand but my arse. she is so narrow -minded and to make things worse... she is not only a bimbo... not so much of bimbo... just a chinese idiom xiong ta wu nao can describe her so perfectly... she is always being a b***h... oh... maybe coz she doesn't have to be one... she is already one in nature. nothing but a stupid f**king b***h!!!! damn...

COME ON... I NEED A LIFE!!!!

HAPPY SUPER BELATED BDAE TO ME!!!!

i juz have to say... thank you dawne, tiff, nat, hua, shona and yuan!!!! i love you all babes!!!
i was really shocked. say... this mon... i think it is 9th july... yeah... we decided to go to sentosa. initially, i thought it was juz a simple trip to sentosa to like have fun after exams. ya... actually it was... but they really suprised me coz they bought a cake and brought it all the way there and celebrated my birthday for me. ya... and though it was like already days passed my actual birthday... haha... and i actually thought they forgot bout my birthday. oh ya... and thank you hua and shona who walked the whole day at orchard to get my present. i love you gals!!! so gan dong... this is like the best thing that happened in my jc life apart from meeting my dear dear.. hehez... yup yup... even more than the times i have at dance... coz really... no one ever gave me such a suprise... =) yeah... thank you...

oh... mmm... got back my econs paper today. it totally sucks... guess this time i won't be able to pass a single subject. even my GP results sucks... i worked so hard and finally achieved a C grade and then it is like... well it dropped all the way to maybe E... haiz... sian...

went to the BMTC today... yeah... seeing what he will be going through is like good... but still... i can't bear to see him serve ns... i will miss him so much... and i'm like really worried bout him... i'm so afraid that he won't be able to adapt to the life there... since he is like so fussy... oops... haha... but most importantly... i guess... i will really miss him... =)

EXAM STRESS MAKES ME CRANKY!!!!

oh... finally once they decided to set a relatively easy bio paper. i have to admit that i could really do it except for 2 questions because i didn't study that two topics. but... i still didn't managed to complete my essay question though... oh... i really know how to do it... it is the first time i know how to do the whole essay question and was so firm that my answer would be correct. i really shouldn't have went back to that irritating evolution question... arghz... but still no use crying over spilled milk... gotta mug hard for my paper 3...

few more papers to go... wee!!!! must really mug hard and do my best for the remaining papers... muahahaha....

mid year sucks!!!!

ok... today... i had my first paper. oh my goodness!!!! the pure mathematics questions are super difficult!!! should have done the statistics questions first... i didn't complete the paper and i think i lost like 20 marks already... i think i'm really gonna fail this paper...

anyway... i 'm gonna fail my bio paper too... i haven't studied a single chapter yet. but honestly, i've given up on bio already... haas... ya...

but i will jia you for my chem and econs and hopefully i can pass both of them. a little worried for econs coz like i didn't study much too... and chem... can't seem to remember whatever i've studied... i'm really in deep s***!!!

mmm... let's see... one week without blogging. mmm... never done much anyway... juz slacking studying slacking studying... tt much... well nothing much to expect from a jc student life anyway.... haha...

mmm... sun... see should be 17 june... yeah... went to the red rain concert... it's lyk... though i am not a christain nor do i believe in religions, they really rock!!!! i juz love the music and their songs!!!! haha... and i love the drummer!!!! super good looking and cool!!!! wee!!!! and i met up with yu zhen stella and my lao po jing hong!!!! oh my!!! i juz can't say how much i miss hanging out with them. and i finally found someone who really behaves like stella... eileen!!!! haha... i really pity u. no larhz... juz joking. i love stella character... and of coz ur's haha... though i don't really know you... mmm.... ya... and celebrated daddy's day... haha... hope daddy love the card and his wine... hehez...

oh anyway... one more week to mid year... oh my... bad bad... haha...

anyway... ONE MORE WEEK TO MY BIRTHDAY!!!! YEAH!!!! CAN'T WAIT TO USE MY NEW PHONE!!!! WEE!!! =D

ARHZZZ....

oh my goodness... mid year's really coming... condemn mid year... I HATE EXAMS!!!! yo... anyway... looking forward to the red rain concert. hopefully mama let me go... den i can see STELLA JING HONG JAS... oh my goodness... I MISS THEM!!!! yeah... anyway... I REALLY MISS DANCING TOO!!! i feel fat without dance practices. though i haven't gain weight yet (soon to come... YUCKS!!!!). but still like i've got no chance to sweat. coz i really hate other kinds of sports. plus... next term... NO PE!!!! oh my goodness.. tt's how sad life is... =( anyway... ya... back to the point. to me... it is like NO DANCE=NO EXERCISE=NO SWEAT=FAT!!!!! ARGHZ... haha... anyway... really hope a's will be over soon... then i can dance all i want... wee!!!! haha...

anyway. i just have to say this... sorry yahui... but really... i guess i can really say you are a coward. ok larhz... maybe coz u really feel that the blog is very personal. i know... tt's how i feel... tt's y my blog hasn't any chatbox or neither did i tag any other people blogs coz i feel like if u are fated to read all these then ya... u will happen to cross my blog. and even if i were to let people know the url of my blog it will only be my close friends. but though i still have to let you know. i really hope that i'm fated to pass by your's coz though sometimes the things you've said is really like offensive... i still enjoy reading your blog coz lots of perceptions. and i'm really concern bout you. and i feel that i love your openess coz i'm like that. sometimes very blunt with what i say. but still have to learn to control lorz... well... i have to say that i'm learning to control too... just hope that you realise that it is good being blunt but not good being too blunt sometimes. yeah... =)

anyway... SHU HUI!!!! JIA YOU FOR MID YEARS!!! and STOP SLACKING!!! hahas... =D

wahahaha... was camwhoring at home after my big sista bf's wedding... the bride was super pretty!!! wonder if i would be a pretty pretty bride oso... dreaming... mmms... =)

wahahaha... all tied by second sista. ain't she talented. =)

Look forward to after a's!!!!

oh... finally passed down everything for dance. yeah!!! but i really miss dancing. finally figured out what to look forward to and what motivates me. looking forward to after a's. half a year more... den i can dance all i want!!!! yeah!!!! haha... can't wait for that day to come. gonna party like crazy after that. haha... but once again. i guess i will miss school life after that. but nevertheless... that's when i can really dance like nobody's business... haha... looking forward to so many things...

anyway... i don't know what's happening to me. seem to be losing patience when hanging out with the ex- exco members of dance. i mean like shar, wan wan, teik and gwen. u see... gwen and teik always ahve somethings to hide from the rest of the exco members. i know certain things they don't wish to let us know. but once again... aren't we a whole exco... anyway... and wan wan and shar are always together... so u see... i'm all alone. but what to do. guess since i came to jc... i got use to this feeling. nevermind though. coz i guess eventually i still have other people... like hua and kay chuan and ya... nat they all... and of coz in dance there are other people... like kaiying and peu... well... mmms... maybe i am not alone after all... hahas...

yeah.. now that we've passed down lerx... i really sincerely hope that the year ones will do a great job, even better one. really bring dansez-le together. and i really look forward to the dance night... so jia you!!!! =D

ooo... ok... forgot bout this photo... haha... eh... that afternoon at dragonfly with shirley and tiffany!!!

i really don't know what i am going to do. it is like i don't feel motivated to study at all. like though i know i have to like try to pass every subject. but it is like holiday!!!! i am just not in the mood to study... oh my goodness.

anyway... i really have to say this... vjc, sajc, tjc and hci's syf dance 07 really rocks!!!! beautifl choreography and wonderful techniques. mmm... maybe tjc could get a gold with honours if their movements could be executed with better precision and confidence. and i dun really like the costume. i think it makes the dancers look a little clumsy but still i love the dance... great job!!! =D

ooo... tt afternoon at nat's house celebrating dawne's b'dae... really love dem all... wee!!! and erm... juz wanna say this to bel... dun feel so lonely... coz u still haf us!!!! haha... though we will be graduating this year... but we r still frenz and erm... maybe by next year u will be able to find more new frenz... so dun always emo oso ok??? it is nice to see u smile... and i love ur laughter!!! =)

ooo... anyway... mid year's round the corner... 2 more weeks... s***... and i'm suppose to lyk memorize every single thing learnt in yr 1 and 2... ok... to console myself... i can do it for chem and econs but bio... what the s***... it is lyk so impossible... y on earth did i take bio and landed myself in this s***... oh my goodness... trying desperately to transform myself into a hard core mugger now... which is highly impossible... haha... come on larhz... i can't study whole day long... den life would be lyk so boring... words and words... memorizing and memorizing... notes and notes... =( I NEED A LIFE!!!

afternoon at dragonfly, st james power station... wee!!! =D

dancers!!! most of dem... =)

0607 peeps!!!!

me and hua!!!!

oh... today was a fun day at nat's house... great great fun... haha... hope dawne really lyks her pressies... anyway... really haf to say this but she looks really great in the bikini we've bought for her... hehez...

but today... dance thingy... bad bad... bad... so bad... lyk... i think tt certain things ah teik and the rest of the exco don't understand and becoz of this... lyk our relationship wif the dsa gals r lyk strained for unnecessarily... but... i dunno how to let dem noe... it is hard to begin and i dunno where to begin from... anyway the thing is... i feel so tired toking to dem esp ah teik coz i juz feel tt dey r so stubborn... and i really dun feel lyk wasting my energy and breathe to convince and tok to dem... i juz feel tt dey always say tt ms tang is a hypocrite... but what bout dem... dey r lyk lying wif their eyes open... what for lie tt the votes coincide wif our choices when actually it is not the case and all the yr 1 dancers r aware of it... u gals complain tt the dsa gals r not willing to be honest wif u gals.. but r u gals honest to dem in the first place??? how do u gals expect dem to be honest to u gals when u gals r not even honest to dem... y hide the fact tt our choice don't coincide wif the votes??? what r u gals so afraid of??? i mean u all agree tt voting is bout popularity but popularity doesn't mean tt the person might be competent to take up tt role... it is not lyk we r choosing some superstar... but we r juz trying to choose the person we feel is the correct one for our posts... so long we feel tt it is right and we r not being biased den i dun understand what r u all so afraid of tt u all muz lie... y think so much??? dun u gals feel tt it is unnecessary??? i am lyk so drained... but u noe what... it is not by the dsa gals but by u gals... really... i guess tt u gals dun see it tt the dsa gals r not the only ones hu r superficial but u gals r equally superficial as well... dun try to deny it... coz it is what everyone can see... and i juz haf to say this...
ah teik... whether u see this a not... i juz feel tt sometimes it is so tiring to hang out wif u... u seem to haf a split personality tt sometimes i love u so much but other times i hate u to the core... sorry for being harsh but i juz haf to say honestly tt i'm not the only one hu feels this way...u r juz too stubborn for ur own good... y do u always try so hard to find reasons or excuses to cover up ur mistakes or any probs??? everyone haf faults... and ur actions could be seen by everyone esle.. so y not juz admit it and try to change... ain't it much better???

I'M LYK SO TIRED AND SHAG RITE NOW TT I DUN FEEL LYK TOKING TO U GALS ANYMORE... I'M SORRY BUT I JUZ HAF TO BE SO HARSH AND CRUDE...

woo hoo... today went for a compulsory appreciation dialogue session... mmm... quite boring... but den after tt... was super fun... muahahaha... something lyk a afternoon clubbing... weird... kekex... but it was super fun... dancing wif the dancers for lyk one hour plus... and lyk... the mc was super good and lyk the sc sabotage lyk 2 teachers... haha... and one of dem was lyk my chem tutor... kekex... ya... and the dancers lyk pushed me into the middle of the dance floor... so lyk ok lorz... juz anyhow shake... muahahaha... super high... yeah... had a lot a lot of fun... swear i will go clubbing again and enjoy the night life... wahahaha...

oh... den we went for dinner and den after tt to chill at b&j... muahahaha... ate my favourite chocolate fudge brownie... super nice... super fattening... =X... haha...

but dinner was quite bad though... sorry sorry to banana and hc... coz lyk didn't realize tt u gals felt left out... actually... i agree wif ky... yeah... maybe it is true tt she selects her frenz... ya... i didn't realize this gap between the exco and the dancers till today when banana... oh my... lyk i juz haf to say so sorry to the dsa dancers... coz i tot u were all picking on me coz i scolded u gals... now i do see the point... really so sorry... but lyk... i oso dunno how to solve this prob... eventually.. it leads up to one person... ld said tt she has changed... i dunno... but ya... she does really make me feel very left out most of the time... and i feel she is quite selfish at times... esp wif her frenz... it is lyk she only wants her frenz to tok to her and surround her but not others... i dunno... maybe i'm wrong... but i noe how banana and hc feel and lyk i feel bad... but i really dunno how to help... coz it is lyk all up to her to change herself... but i think she is too stubborn for her own good... haiz... hopefully we could tok to her and make her see things... den i guess... maybe it would be alright... ya... yupz... juz hope tt next time if we go out as a group den i can juz make everyone feel lyk we r together and dey r not left out coz the feeling of being left out is really bad... yupz... =)

look here... this is all bout me... =)
ooo.... erm made a VERY BIG MISTAKE yesterday... well shouldn't haf scolded the F word... yeah... tt i'm really sorry... but i really feel tt i wasn't unreasonable... the reason i was so harsh on dem coz every single one of dem disappointed me... dey allowed themselves to juz get influenced so easily... as for SH i was extremely harsh on her coz i really esp care bout her... i guess not only her... even the dsa gals... it is juz tt i always haf high expectations on dem and is lyk i since i haf higher expectations so higher disappointment bahz... but... i juz haf to say... i really do treat dem as sisters... though i guess i won''t be a very good big sis coz i am the youngest in the family so it is lyk... ya... but i really hope tt dey will understand the fact tt i scold dem coz i really care for dem... the day tt i stop scolding dem... i guess would be the day i stop caring for dem...

if dey ever read this... juz wanna say tt... i am willing to do all i can for u gals... anytime... u can call me... whether is it u need a listening ear or company... i'll be there... yupz.. so i hope tt we could juz put all these unhappiness behind us... i do look forward to continue working and of coz if there is a chance... perform on the same stage wif u gals again... yupz... =)

oh my goodness... he is lyk... dunno he use which detergent powder ok... he is lyk so good at brainwashing lorz... he is juz so influential and it is lyk dey dunno him well enough lorz... haiz... so afraid dey won't be able to cope wif him lorz... lyk all dey can think bout is he said this or he said tt... haiz... what did he do manz....

and she is oso lyk such a hypocrite lorx... haiz... in front of us say oh... i get it... den behind our backs she does something else... lyk she is so useless lorz... haiz... lame... lame... lame...

anyway... mid yr exams coming lerx... stress!!!! let's all jia you bahz... hahaha... =)