FRUSTRATED and DISGUSTED... like seriously... FO...

Seriously, i'm so sick and tired of everything and i really don't feel like going home anymore in fact i don't like to go home. What's with the curfew and not allowed to stay out overnight. Today, i finally realised something. Parents can be so full of bullshit and rubbish. They can tell you all kinds of things just to humour you and when time pass, after giving you a little sweet taste, it is back to square one. So much of telling me that if you are really unhappy about what me and your mom says, you can always debate. And wow... Daddy... Can i stay overnight out at my friend's chalet??? NO!!! What if you runaway and not come home again??? What's the problem??? It is only one night, i'll be back by saturday. NO!!! NO MEANS NO!!! Yeah... this was our conversation. In the end, he started babbling about how stress he is and how much money he spent on us, etc, and that i'm driving him to his grave and his health is not very good and that he doesn't mind dying earlier. Seriously, if you chose to undergo sufferings, it is your choice so don't complain about it. Seriously, if you keep thinking that you will die early then honestly, you definitely will. Honestly, stop whinning about your health to me. First of all, admit that you are getting old. You will realise that when you age, it is quite natural that you will have to depend on medications and health products for the rest of your life. If you really want to live longer, change your lifestyle instead of whinning to people, for example, you can stop smoking and drinking, exercise more and if you really feel so stress, do something that can relieve it, change your thinking or something. Seriously, like wtf. I totally had enough.

Making my last point, since i've decided that i've had enough. I'm still gonna stay out on fri night. If i'm driving you to your grave then... Oops... I'm sorry... Didn't mean to do it on purpose. And oh... I just wanna make my point, girls that party might not be bad or naughty girls. I think you haven't even seen enough of clubbing life. If you ask me, honestly i love clubbing and other gals who love clubbing, doesn't mean that they are bad or naughty gals. For me, i just love to party and it is the way you behave in the clubs that determines if you are a good or bad gal. Honestly, loving to party is just a love, like you can love swimming or playing the piano, it doesn't have to be a bad activity.

Deja Vu...

Recently, we are like going round in circles. We keep quarreling over the same problem. Seems like neither one of us can change our bad habit of not being able to wake up and always meeting each other late. I really don't know what we can do except to try. I really don't like the fact that he is always saying that we are taking each other for granted because i don't we are. Sometimes i feel that he can be too sensitive over some things. Maybe he just too afraid of losing me but still i feel that he should try to relax sometimes. He always seem to feel that there is a problem between us when we quarrel. For example, yesterday and this morning, he keeps wanting to talk about the problem when there isn't really a problem. The only problem is just that we cannot wake up early and thus we are always late. A simple problem, but he thought too much and made himself so unhappy. I really don't like it. It hurts me to see him so stress and unhappy over us. I really hope we can stop this stupid problem that isn't really worth quarreling over.

Anyway, i'll miss laura so much. She is going home today and i guess i won't be able to see her so often like the pass few days. Anyway, i really enjoyed this few days spending time with him and his family. I really had a lot of fun and am really glad that his parents really accept and that his daddy can be so open to me. It feels really good. I truely hope that one day my parents can accept him and see the good points that he possess. Hopefully, they will open up to him too.

Fear...

Tonight he told me that he has this feeling that he really fears of and hides from me. He told me that he have a feeling that we would break up one day. Honestly, i know i won't break up with him for sure but no one can predict the future. He told me that he is trying his best to prevent it from happening. However, i always believe that in relationships, fate is one of the main factors. I feel that whether it is family, friends or lovers, it is fate that we are all brought together. Eventually, we are fated to have met and end up and lovers and whether we are meant to be, it depends very much not only on us maintaining the relationship but also if we are fated to end up together. i believe that if we are really meant to be, even if one day we break up, we would still end up together. Like meeting someone when walking along a road and it happens that you and this person is heading towards a different destination. If you are fated to meet this person again, no matter how different the routes we walk, we will still meet at the crossroads once again someday. It is only a matter of time of when we will meet each other again. Rather than trying so hard to prevent break ups, i feel we should enjoy our moments together and keep our relationship strong because eventually, you will end up trying so hard that you become so tired of it and you might end up trying to maintain the relationship because you want to prove that we will not break up. Then, where is the true happiness and love that we once had???

I really wish that he can stop worrying about this and just let nature takes its course. Honestly, i do have this feeling that we are meant to be and i truely hope that my feeling is right.

My world is turning upside down once again...

Sometimes i really wonder if i'm doing the right thing. I really love him so much but he always says that i'm being too selfish or that i do not know how to appreciate him. I know sometimes i really did selfish things and i'm really trying my best to avoid repeating my past mistakes or things that he does not like. I am really happy with him but i'm not particularly happy at home. It is reallly hard to maintain a relationship with my parents' disapproving it and sometimes i wonder if he understands this. It is not that i'm trying to make myself seem very sacrificial because i'm not. The point and fact is i'm really giving up things that are important to me just to be with him. Sometimes i really fear of our future. I also fear that i might not have the strength to move on with him. There are a lot of things that might be my love and i would have to give up just to be with him and it is true that i would have to go through a lot of obstacles just to be with him. It is not only the cultural differences and religion that we have to overcome but many more. It is not only now but even in the long run if we have our own family, etc.



Sometimes i really wonder if i'm being too bossy. One minute he tells me that he likes it when i scold him. The next minute he complains about it. He always says that he does not know what i want. The fact is i also do not know what he really wants. Seriously, i always feel that maybe i really should not forgive him so easily. The one thing that he is really similar to shi liang is the shouting. He is at least better because at least he knows how to apologise. Sometimes, i wonder whether his sorry means anything or he is just taking advantage of my soft side. He apologises but makes the same mistake then what is the point of saying he's sorry. At least he could let me feel that he is trying to avoid his mistake and maybe i'll feel that my forgiveness is worth it. I'm seriously not trying to be anal bout this but i feel that if i'm making an effort to adapt and avoid things that he does not like. I guess then, he should try to do the same.




I really hope we could find strength in each other and be strong because i really love you baby...