Strings attached or unattached.

I just realised something today. When you really love a person so much to understand every single habit and temper that person. It really is almost impossible for you to totally let go of the person. A lot of people would say that they can let go of that person but deep down somewhere in their heart, that person is always living there. To let go is not to forget. Somehow, you will miss that person whether it is in the middle of the night or when you walk pass some place that possess a lot of the memories of when you two are still lovers or when you wake up in the morning and realise that that person is no longer your lover. The most cruel thing is when that person has already fall in love with someone else and his or her love for you had faded but still you can't let go. Silly as it might seem but memories will always be memories. Memories are like permanent scars. They will forever be imprinted in ones mind. No one forgets. Whether these memories are happy or sad. However, i always believe that as time goes by, you will be able to let go slowly and the hurt would just fade away. By the time the hurt fades, you will be able to review these memories with a smile on your face.

When everyone looks back on all the relationships that they had, they ought to feel that every relationship has its own regrets. Especially when you've been with that person for a very long time. The harder it is for you to let go of that person. However, eventually you will. Just tell yourself, it is not easy to let go and you have to move on. Pick up those shattered pieces and move on. =)

To all the people out there especially to my dearest ah gong...

AH GONG!!! Stop emo-ing ok? Sometimes it takes more than just treating a girl well. There are many other things that determine the possibility if you will end up with the girl you like. I don't know if you believe in fate. I do feel however that fate does play a part. No matter how long you are in a relationship or how well you treat a girl, if you two are not fated to be, eventually, you just won't end up together. Moreover, it depends a lot on chemistry for girls. Maybe she knows that you treat her well but she just does not feel the chemistry with you.

CHEER UP AH GONG!!! Let nature take its course. I'm sure one day you will find the right one. A girl who appreciates the way you treat her, a girl that you are fated to be with and the girl who feels that she has the chemistry with you. Try to let go and as time goes by you will find her. Don't try too hard though because sometimes the harder you try to find, you tend to miss out more of the good stuff. In the midst of trying so hard to find, you might have missed her out. =)

Hopes...

I honestly hope that we can stop quarreling over dumb things. Every time we quarrel over the dumbest things we both end up saying words of anger that would hurt the both of us. I really hope that we will stop hurting each other with our words of anger. I hope my baby knows that i'm trying my very best to be understanding though i know sometimes the way i comment can be too direct. I didn't mean to let you feel the way you did. It was just honest opinions. I know my baby has been tolerating my mood swings and been very understanding. I really appreciate it. =)

I hope that my baby knows that no matter whatever material he possess , what he does, how high is his education level; it doesn't determine who you are. I love you for what you are inside baby and i love you for who you are. Like i've said many times, a bike is just a transport. It is just for convenience sake. It doesn't matter if you are riding the best and most expensive bike on earth or the cheapest and the lousiest. The point is i love sitting on the bike behind you and the feeling of hugging you and us shouting our heads off on the bike. I really love you baby and this is all that you have to know. =)

HE IS A TOTAL IDIOT!!!

I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH GUYS!!! THEY REALLY PUSH ME TO THE MAX. MAYBE I SHOULD BECOME A LESBIAN OR SOMETHING. LIKE SERIOULSY THEY CAN BE SO FREAKING IDIOTC. SERIOUSLY, SOMETIMES THEY ARE SO FREAKING DUMB AND LIKE WHAT NO COMMON SENSE. I SO PISSED. THEY ALWAYS JUMP INTO POINTLESS QUARRELS AND THEN TURN THE FREAKING TABLES AROUND AND BLAME THE GALS WHEN IT IS NOT OUR FREAKING FAULT. SERIOUSLY, SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL THAT GUYS ARE BRAINLESS IDIOTS!!! THEY ARE SO INSISTENT ON SOMETHING THAT IT THEY ARE LIKE BLINDED BY IT. LIKE... HELLO... CAN YOU FREAKING OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE AND STOP USING YOUR ARSES TO THINK BUT YOUR FREAKING BRAIN!!! ARGH...

Fun...

Last night i went clubbing with him once again. Then, we juzt spent the rest of the time till the next morning. It was freaking fun apart from the waiting for his friends. Well, we went with his clique of friends. Hehez... I made new friends too. Hehez... Met Zac, Agnes, Eunice and another gal who i cannot remember her name. Sorry. Hehez... We were so bored waiting for Azhar And Shafiq they all to come that we started taking photos outside st james. Quite dumb but still... Haha... Entertaining!!! Haha... =)

Since i spent so much time with him last night. I feel damn weird when he is not around me now. I reallly want to just spend my everyday with him. I feel so lost without him. Honestly... I really cannot wait till tomorrow. We are going swimming!!! Yeah!!!

Baby... I'll be praying that your father approves of the scrambler you want. I know how excited you are about getting that scrambler and i can see that you really love it so much. Let's hope that you can really get it.

Missing her...

I really miss my sister. Suddenly, i happen to realise the saying that when someone leaves you then you will finally realise how that person is really important to you and how much you will miss that person. Though it is only 6 months that she will be away but it seriously seems that 6 months would never come to an end. People always say that time flies but in this case, time seems to be crawling. I really wish that when i open my eyes tomorrow morning, she will be back home. How much i wish... I seriously can't wait till this 6 months to pass. I really can't help worrying for her. I always thought that i am a person who is able to let go and not miss someone so much. Now, i realise i'm not as strong as i think. Now, i'm starting to consider if i can really go overseas to study. Though that has always been my dream: to be able to study overseas. Honestly, i don't think i can bear to leave my family and aslim.

I'm honestly not someone who believe in god or prayers. Now, i just want to say... Mummy... Please bless small jie... I want her to come home safely. That's all. Just safely in one piece safe and sound. Though i don't believe in prayers but i know somehow you have always been watching us from wherever you are. If you can hear me, please watch over her and bless her... I really miss her so much and i just want her to come home real soon... =)

Interesting life eh...

Wow... I went down to his house today. Obviously,he was so anal about me talking to ah xiang and emma and being late today because he was fed up withh vacuuming and mopping the floor. It is like quite dots... But yeah... I was screaming to him over the phone on the streets and on the taxi that people most probably think that i'm a crazy woman. Anyway, he apologised. So it is alright. Hehez... Anyway, i helped him vacuumed and mopped Laura's and bubu and aya room for him. It was like we went to shop for Laura's clothes and it is like he just ask me to pay using his NETs card, weird but nice. I'm like always ironing his clothes for him. Really feel like a wife now. Always helping to put Laura to sleep. He is really lousy manz... Everytime he carry her she will cry and seems like he just can't put her to sleep. He told me last night that i really made him freeze when i put Laura to sleep. He said i looked so motherly... Hehez... It is a compliment but still i feel that very gal can do it. Eventually, it is our motherly instinct, something like a in born kinda thing and it is whether gals want to show it and use it a not. Hehez... Mmm... But seriously... It feels like we're already married... Kekez... Feels really good. Honestly, i can't wait to get married to him and have his kids. I seriously think that they will turn out to be mischievious rascals like him. Hehez... =)

We are always imagining our life after marriage. Sometimes it just feels so real and this feeling is really nice. I don't know how to describe. Some people feel that it might be too soon that we decide on our engagement since we just know each other for 7 months but still we will only get engage after i graduate which is 2 years later. Honestly, our decision is not based on the fact that we are crazy about one another and it is definitely rationale. Seriously, there is nothing to reconsider. It is gonna be difficult for the both of us but i know that we are both willing to try together and it is alright. =)

Troubles...

Troubles troubles troubles...

I really don't know what is wrong with me recently. I just can't seem to wake up in the morning. Daddy is probably gonna kill me and he'll most probably scold me like crazy for reaching home late everyday. He'll most probably think that it is because i reach home so late every night that i don't get enough rest. Seriously, i don't feel that it is because i'm sleeping late that is the cause. I used to sleep late like almost every night last semester and i can wake up like 6 in the morning. Mmm... I'm really wondering what's my problem. It is really irritating. I seriously hate being late for lessons. Especially pharmacology and Physiology.

Anyway, physiology 2 CA is like next week and honestly, I think i'm so gonna fail. I don't know why. I seem to understand the concepts but just can't seem to answer the questions correctly. Argh... Irritating... Frustrating... Shit... Seriously, i can't afford failing any modules this semester or i can seriously forget about graduating.

Ooo... The happy thing is... Dee bananasare going to have a gathering this valentine's. Wow... Sound cool eh... Haha... Seriously, can't wait to go to ECP to roller blade though i'm freaking lousy at it. I'll most probably go home with an aching butt. Haha... But who cares... At least i have fun... Winks winks...

Sadness...

As i hear the raindrops falling on my window pane. I wonder. Is there so much sadness in the world or are the clouds just crying for me? I'm well aware. The answer is obvious. Compared to the many sadness experienced by others. Mine is most probably minute. Everyday someone is grieving for the lost of a loved one. So why can't i be stronger. I really want to stop crying but i just can't seem to stop my tears from falling down. I know i can change things. My loved ones are still by my side. Still, sometimes, I just feel so helpless. Like i really don't know what i can do to make things better. It is weird. Seems like living in a dream and a nightmare at the same time. But i'm refusing to wake up from either because both are my reality.

Still special friends...

I guess aslim will never understand why shi liang is so special to me. Shi liang is one of the few friends of mine that truely undersatnds me. He said that many people always say that it is a pity they met too late. I guess for us. It is a special case. We've met too early. Nevertheless, we've both moved on and we are still best friends. Well, i guess he is my only close friends who knows when i'm saying things out of anger. He told me that if i understand aslim well and know when he is only saying things out of anger then i shouldn't feel sad but still i would feel sad because i love aslim and that regardless of whether they are words of anger, i still feel sad because he said them. Because i love him and that's why it hurts me even it they are words of anger. Shi liang told me that the fact that i'm crying for aslim just goes to show that he is worthy of my tears and he told me to hang in there. I will definitely hang in there. Just for you aslim baby darling. After such a long time, Shi liang has always been there for me. He knows exactly when to joke with me, when i'm sad, when he should listen. He knows when to say the right things at the right time. But sometimes i feel that yes, maybe we might have met too early, but perhaps we do have character clashes. But still, he would always be a close friend of mine and i would always be a listening ear of his just like he had listened to all my unhappiness, troubles, problems and complains. =)

And baby darling... I just want you to know that there is nothing between me and him. We had our moments. True enough... But we have both moved on. I have found someone whom i love and want to settle down with. And the person is definitely u baby... And he has also found someone new and special to him whom he wants to cherish... I just hope you would understand that he is somebody that i really cannot give up... If i could, i would have given him up a long time ago. But i just can't... I'm sorry...

Time flies!!!! No!!!!

Wow. Time really flies like boom... Super fast. Chinese new year is like over. Like wink wink and it is gone. My second sister left Singapore for her exchange in bei da. Mans... It is like best of luck to her. I really hope she will come back like in one piece and that she will stay safe and sound. I miss her so much. Seriously, seeing how blur she can be just makes me worry. Oh well... I guess that this blur blur thingy just happen to run in her blood as well as mine. Seriously, i wonder where we get this blur blur thingy from. My parents are like so street smart. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. All that really matters is she comes home.

Anyway, this year's cny was really fun. All my mia-ing cousins finally all showed up and i love it. I've been missing them so much. Hehez... The fun thing is to see that my family is like growing bigger and bigger with all the new additions like my nieces and nephew, my cousins' boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives. It is really so exciting... Hehez...

Sad to say, cny is over so fun is also over. Soon, comes my first skills lab assessment which is injection of medication into the nebulizer. Upcoming CA... Physiology 2. Yeah... So damn stressed up. I have a very bad premonition that i'll most probably fail my Physio 2 as well. Seriously, i just don't understand a single thing about physio and i really really don't know how to answer the questions. It seems like yes this is the correct answer but it turns out to be wrong. Sigh sigh sigh... So damn bloody irritating. Oh mans... Someone just save me please... I really cannot afford to fail physio 2. =(

Nobody's perfect...

For my baby...

When you catch the little things but overlook the big mistakes.
When everything takes longer than what it usually takes.
When nothing goes according to the best-laid plans you make.
Just remember that nobody's perfect.
So give yourself a break.
When the stress of your success, makes you head and stomach ache.
When everything you touch falls through, fouls up, goes bad, or breaks.
Please remember that you're human.
For you sanity's own sake,
And relax-
Nobody's perfect, So give yourself a break. =)

Just want to tell you this baby darling of mine... I'll stay by your side no matter what. Like you've said, we are suppose to go through thick and thin together. If you are glad to share my problems and troubles so am i glad to share yours. I really don't mind going through shit with you. At least all these shit makes us closer. Moreover, I'm serious when i said that i had a lot of fun pushing your bike with you when your bike broke down or your bike's tire got puncture. I don't mind if it happens on a day to day basis. At least i can spend time with you. I'm happy no matter what we are doing so long as we are always together. I love you so much baby... I really do.. And i miss you too... =)

迷宫

我总觉得现在的我像是在一个迷宫里失去了方向，迷了路。走了好久好久，但，好像一直绕会原点。我真的觉得好辛苦，好想走出这迷宫。但，就算我在努力的走，却一直走不出去。我真的累了。我好害怕自己在还没成功的到达终点，就已放弃。现在，我只能祈祷。希望我能在我们好不容易建起的爱情城堡里找出力量，好让自己和他一起走到终点。

有时，我真的好怀念以前的日子。