Disppearing? More of disappeared...

Alright. I really got no idea when someone will ever come across this post of mine. Hopefully you do. Hopefully not. I don't know. There are many things going on in my mind right now. But it is impossible for me to say everything. I'll try i guess.

First of all, i really have to say that whatever you all think and say about aslim is really unfair and bias. I guess you don't really know the situation between us. Many of the times that i stayed out late or stay out overnight with him or look after him when he is sick. It is not to prove that i love him. It is my choice because i love him. People show their love in many different ways. Mine is just different from yours. Doesn't make it right or wrong. If you cannot accept it or understand. At least, don't judge. Blame him for everything but it was never really his fault to begin with. He really does respect me. He loves to say words of anger. But the other side of him, you've never seen. He never snatched me away. I don't know how to put it. But i chose to disappear myself. The reason why i don't smile at home or you see me tired at home. I know this is gonna hurt big time. But honestly it is coz i am tired of going home. I don't feel like going home. I feel trapped at home. That is one of the reasons why i keep going home so late apart from the fact that i love night life. I think you really don't get it. Hairul parents or daddy and mimi don't accept cross relationship doesn't mean aslim's parents feel the same. They really can accept it. They already treat me like a part of their family. That is one of the reason why i'm always at his house. I know that it might not be as comfortable or as good as our own home. But that is where i truly feel at home. He got me a laptop and all the stuff coz he knows i need them and not because he just wants to flaunt his money or anything. Every question you posted to me. I can tell you with everything i have i can bet you whatever i have, the answer is yes. When i am at his house, i am tired coz i had a long day but i'm happy. He can give up anything and everything for me. He will never leave me alone. We spend whatever cent we can afford together. We save together and we budget together. It is true we always quarrel but it only brings us closer together. All ought i am willing to go. I wanna get married to him. No one knows what will happen in the future. But if you truly know what you want. I always believe... There is a will, there is a way. If you want something so bad, you will want to make it come true. With this, comes determination. With determination, comes courage. I have the guts to pursue what i want because i want it so bad. It is a passion that is burning. I do believe that dreams do come true. I am fulfilling mine. There is nothing to be envious about. You just have to work towards it. But then again, everything comes with a price. I guess is just what you want more or what you want the most.

Also, a social stigma is always there. I don't see the point in sacrificing what you want because of the social stigma. Social stigmas change because there are people who defy it instead of choosing to hide from them or follow them. Social stigmas are created because people think of something. Then again, it is their thoughts. Why follow people thoughts? We have a mind on our own. If you just gonna follow the flow, you might not be able to achieve any single thing you really love. One day, you will regret. Thinking can be changed if you are able to show that the thinking is false. Sometimes, you got to do something for yourself.

Alright, this is all i've got to say. For everything each and everyone of you have done for me, I truly appreciate. But I have disappeared a long time ago. I don't know. Maybe i cannot find my way back or maybe a part of me just never wants to go back anymore...